COUNSELS OF PERFECTION

BAHÁ'ÍS WHO KNOW that my field of work is psychology have often said to me, 'If one has the Bahá'í teachings, one should not need psychology.' My answer has always been, 'But don't you realize that the Bahá'í teachings are overflowing with the principles of psychology?' This answer suprises some people, perhaps because they have not read the teachings with care, or because they do not understand that psychology covers the whole science of human relationships. It is not primarily, a method of dream interpretation, nor a technique for helping a salesman to sell more goods!

When I realized that many Bahá'ís did not recognize the principles of human relationship which are so clearly stated by Bahá'u'lláh and 'Abdu'l-Bahá, I decided that when I retired I would write a book which would analyse and summarize the psychology in the Bahá'í Writings. This book is the result.

The primary duty of Bahá'ís is so to live that they increase unity among all mankind This is also the purpose of many others who know that the only hope for a peaceful, stable world is to increase understanding and fellowship among all peoples.

Many of us do not realize how often our behaviour decreases unity among our kindred, friends, and fellowworkers. When we come to an understanding of how divisive some of our actions are, we discover that we must reform our characters. This book is primarily a set of suggestions as to how we may develop our characters in such a way that we increase the friendliness, the kindness, and the love which will bring greater unity among mankind.

  Therefore, we must strive with life and heart
  that day by day, our deeds may be better, our 
  conduct more beautiful and our forbearance greater.
  That is to cultivate love for all the World; to attain
  beatific character.1

For Whom is this Book Written?

1. This book is written for Bahá'ís who are eager to understand themselves better, and to develop their abilities so that they may be more able to contribute to the welfare of mankind. They believe that only in this way can they do the will of God in this age.

  ... the duty of the Bahá'ís ... to give these principles 
  unfoldment and application in the minds, hearts and 
  lives of the people.2

2. Students of the Bahá'í Faith often ask, 'What are the Bahá'í teachings which help a person to live better day by day?' It is hoped that this book will serve as a detailed answer to that question.

3. Many others have as yet no interest in the Bahá'í teachings, but they believe in God and wish to do His will. I have written these chapters for them, also, in the hope that they will find them helpful in their efforts to serve God and mankind.

4. Still others, who do not have a deep faith in God, may find in these pages some practical applications of psychology which they will find useful.

Purposes Served by the Quotations from the Bahá'í Writings This book is not intended to be a compilation from the Bahá'í Writings, even though there are over two hundred quotations from Bahá'u'lláh and 'Abdu'l-Bahá. Most of these are brief. They serve a variety of purposes:

1. They may be used to introduce the topic of a chapter. For example in chapter 2, five quotations emphasize the necessity of avoiding egotism.

2. They may summarize the basic purpose of a chapter. At the end of chapter 3, six quotations point out that love of people and love of God are interdependent.

3. In many instances the purpose of the quotations is to introduce a new aspect of the topic, to carry the thought a step further. For example in chapter 9, the topic of adult education is introduced by four quotations which stress the need for man to go on learning to the end of his life.

4. It is. hoped that many of the quotations may be used as a basis for discussion in a group which reads the book together. In some instances the readers may feel that the application of a quotation which I have made is far-fetched or untrue. Discussion of such statements should bring out many of the implications of the principal: stated by Bahá'u'lláh or 'Abdu'l-Bahá.

5. I hope that many Bahá'ís will turn to the sources of the quotations and will read more of the context in which the brief quotation is set. This is especially important in cases where the reader is surprised to find a given statement in the Writings. A deep student of the Faith, on reading in chapter 11 a sentence quoted from The Hidden Words, 'I... no man should enter the house of his friend save at his friend's pleasure ...', said, 'I can't remember ever reading that!' One may read a sentence ten times, and only on the eleventh reading begin to understand its full meaning.

Translations

The books and Tablets (letters) of Bahá'u'lláh and 'Abdu'l-Bahá were all Written in Persian or Arabic, and therefore the quality of the translation must be considered. The translations of the Writings of Bahá'u'lláh from which we quote were made by Shoghi Effendi, Guardian of the Bahá'í Faith, or under the direction of the Universal House of Justice's. We can therefore be sure of their accuracy.

In the case if the Writings of 'Abdu'l-Bahá many translators are involved. The talks given by Him in America, presented in 'The Promulgation of Universal Peace, were all taken down by skilled stenographers

  * Except for reference 10, chapter 10.

but several translators were used. In the case of the three volumes of Tablets of Abdul-Bahá Abbas translations were often made by Persians, who were reasonably accurate, but whose skill in written English was not too great. On the other hand, such a volume as Marzieh Gail's translation of The Secret of Divine Civilization is outstanding for accuracy and English style.

In quoting from the Writings it is of course necessary to follow exactly the published translation. The reader is therefore asked to be lenient toward the inadequate English which one sometimes finds, especially in the Tablets of 'Abdu'l-Bahá.

The Persian and Arabic languages do not use capital letters, and each translator has tended to follow his own ideas on which words to capitalize. Thus the attributes of God, such as love, mercy, and glory, are written with capitals by one translator, but not by another. The more recently published Bahá'í books tend to decrease the amount of capitalization, except when referring directly to God and His Manifestations.

Is this Book too Elementary?

Some readers will no doubt find that parts of this book seem to them too simple. They may think, 'I have always known this and practised it. Why put it into print?' But the principle that these readers find commonplace is often a new idea to others, who value having its implications stated and illustrated.

My reasons for including principles which may seem elementary are, first, they are in the Bahá'í Writings and therefore Bahá'u'lláh must have thought it necessary to state them; second, every principle included has been called to my attention by those who failed to practise it!

  The light of a good character surpasseth the
  light of the sun and the radiance thereof. Whoso
  attaineth unto it is accounted as a jewel among men.3

  Who so ariseth, in this Day, to aid Our Cause, and
  summoneth to his assistance the hosts of a praiseworthy 
  character and upright conduct, the influence flowing 
  from such an action will, most certainly, be diffused 
  throughout the whole world.4

IF WE WERE asked, 'Do you wish to be selfish?', most of us would answer, 'No, of course not!' But the Bahá'í idea of self-love implies a great deal more than is usually understood by the word 'selfishness'. Self-love covers all those attitudes and actions which tend to separate us from other human beings. Many of them are mentioned specifically in the Bahá'í Writings; others are present by implication. The need to avoid self-love is clearly indicated in the following passages.

  O Children of Men! Know ye not why We created
  you all from the same dust? That no one should
  exalt himself over the other. Ponder at all times 
  in your hearts how ye were created...1

  O My Servant! Free thyself from the fetters of this
  world, and loose thy Soul from the prison of self.
  Seize thy chance, for it will come to thee no more.2

  O My Servant! Thou art even as a finely tempered
  sword concealed in the darkness of its sheath and
  its value hidden from the artificer's knowledge.
  Wherefore come forth from the sheath of self and
  desire that thy worth may be made resplendent and 
  manifest unto all the world.3

  This test is just as thou hast written: it removeth
  the rust of egotism from the mirror of the heart
  until the Sun of Truth may shine therein. For, no
  veil is greater than egotism and no matter how thin
  that covering may be, yet it will finally veil man
  entirely and prevent him from receiving a portion
  from the eternal bounty.4

  If man be imbued with all good qualities but be
  selfish, all the other virtues will fade or pass
  away...5

But the human ego is so subtle that often we do not recognize that certain acts are expressions of self-love. The remainder of this chapter will analyse some of the ways in which egotism is expressed.

'I Must be First'

Our competitive culture makes it extremely difficult for a person to free himself from the cult of having to be first. Newspapers, magazines, radio, and television are filled with acclaim for the wealthiest, the most powerful, the most glamorous, the most intelligent. I may know that I am not the wealthiest person in my town, but I may comfort myself by thinking, 'Ah, but I have a larger income than my next-door neighbour', and in this way I try to make myself 'first' within my neighbourhood. A boy who is not the best reader in his class may win a 'first' for himself by becoming the most troublesome.

These strivings to be first tend to produce separateness, rather than unity and fellowship. They are ways in which an individual tries to 'exalt himself over the other'. If a man spends his energy in making the best possible use of his abilities, without worrying whether he is first, or fifth, or tenth, his accomphshment is likely to be greater than that of an equally gifted but competitive person, and, more important, he does not divide those around him by treating them as rivals.

The true Bahá'í must make every effort not to become entangled in the web of competition. He may not excuse himself on the grounds that 'it is natural to want to be first', or that 'in our society you have to be competitive'.

  Blessed are the learned that pride not themselves on their attainments...6

  Help him to see and recognize the truth, without
  esteeming yourself to be, in the least, superior to
  him, or to be possessed of greater endowments.7

  We must seek no name nor fame, no ease, amplitude nor 
  convenience...8

  The second attribute of perfection is justice and
  impartiality. This means to have no regard for one's
  own personal benefits and selfish advantages, and
  to carry out the laws of God without the slightest
  concern for anything else. It means to see one's
  self as only one of the servants of God, the All-
  Possessing, and except for aspiring to spiritual
  distinction, never attempting to be singled out
  from the others.9

Envy, jealousy, and covetousness may be thought of as by-products of the desire to be first. Of these three the influence of envy seems to be the worst for causing unfriendly behaviour. If you have done something unkind which you then regretted, search honestly to learn whether envy may have been at the root of it.

  We pray God to protect thee from the heat of
  jealousy and the cold of hatred.10

  O Son of Earth! Know, verily, the heart wherein
  the least remnant of envy yet lingers, shall never
  attain My everlasting dominion, nor inhale the
  sweet savours of holiness breathing from My
  kingdom of sanctity.11

'What Will Other People Say?'

Am I always asking myself this question? Do I value the approval of others more than my own integrity? Conforming too closely to the opinions and customs of others may lead us to behaviour which in fact divides rather than unifies. For example, if I live in a neighbourhood where members of another race are looked down upon, do I always act with the conviction that all races are equal? Or am I subtly influenced to conceal my standards and behave as my neighbours do?

We need to act in a way which will make others feel that we are kind and friendly, and to that extent we should consider what other people will say. But in matters of principle we may have to ignore their opinions. They may think we are 'strange', but that is of no importance in comparison with our need to be just and loving towards all mankind.

In the Introduction to one of His books 'Abdu'l-Bahá said of Himself:

  ...for He, a wanderer in the desert of God's love,
  has come into a realm where the hand of denial or
  assent, of praise or blame, can touch Him not.12

Bahá'ís are not to strive to win praise, or to avoid blame from their fellows. Praise is pleasant, and will probably not spoil the person who, when praised, remembers to thank God that he has been helped to use his God-given abilities in a way that makes others happy.

'I Must Get my Own Way'

The methods by which people try to dominate others are of two types: the active, obvious methods, and the less active, more indirect ones. Among the active techniques are the use of physical force bullying, boasting, temper tantrums, and excessive noisiness. Most of you who read this book will seldom make use of these for getting your own way. It is in the use of the less obvious methods that we often fail to realize that the real purpose of our behaviour is to compel another person to do what we want. We may not approve of our own behaviour, while still not understanding that it is an expression of self-love.

The following is a partial list of the questions we should occasionally ask ourselves, in order to guard against these methods of domination.

1. Do I frequently find fault with others, with members of my family, friends, or those with whom I work? Why am I so sure that my own way of feeling, thinking, and acting is so much better than theirs?

Bahá'ís are left in no doubt as to the evils of fault-finding.

  O Son of Being! How couldst thou forget thine
  own faults and busy thyself with the faults of
  others? Whoso doeth this is accursed of Me.13

  O Emigrants! The tongue I have designed for the
  mention of Me, defile it not with detraction. If the
  fire of self overcome you, remember your own
  faults and not the faults of My creatures, inasmuch
  as every one of you knoweth his own self better
  than he knoweth others.14

  Beware lest ye offend the feelings of anyone, or
  sadden the heart of any person, or move the
  tongue in reproach of and finding fault with anybody, 
  whether he is friend or stranger, believer or enemy.15

  Humanity is not perfect. There are imperfections
  in every human being and you will always become
  unhappy if you look toward the people themselves.
  But if you look toward God you will love them
  and be kind to them ... Therefore do not look at
  the shortcomings of anybody; see with the sight of
  forgiveness. The imperfect eye beholds imperfections. 
  The eye that covers faults looks toward the creator 
  of souls.16

From the foregoing quotations it is clear that it is not only the spoken blame that we should avoid; we should not even think about the faults of others. The habit of resenting someone's behaviour in silence is so insidious that it requires great self-discipline to overcome it.

If one wishes to stop fault-finding, the first requirement is to 'look toward God... toward the creator of souls.' Then one should ask oneself, 'Why am I finding fault? Is it to build up my own sense of importance, my own feeling of virtue because I do not have this particular shortcoming? Am I really accomplishing anything constructive? If not, why waste my energy on something which is destructive of unity and friendliness?' Some people find it useful to learn by heart two or three of the above quotations and, when the thought of blaming another arises, to repeat the quotation and meditate on its meaning. Thinking of some of the praiseworthy qualities of the person who has stirred us to fault-finding may put one in a more positive frame of mind and heart.

The parent or teacher who has the responsibility of educating children and youth must at times draw attention to faults and errors, but this will have comparatively little value unless it is done in a spirit of friendliness. The use of reward and punishment in the field of education will be discussed in a later chapter.

2. Do I engage in backbiting? The dictionary defines backbiting as 'speaking evil of the absent'. Most of the quotations given under fault-finding apply to backbiting. The seriousness of the latter is emphasized in the following:

  That seeker should, also, regard backbiting as
  grievous error, and keep himself aloof from its
  dominion, inasmuch as backbiting quencheth the
  light of the heart, and extinguisheth the life of 
  the soul.17

3. Do I listen to backbiting, and by so doing encourage this characteristic in another person?

  O Companion of My Throne! Hear no evil, and
  see no evil, abase not thyself, neither sigh nor weep.
  Speak no evil, that thou mayest not hear it spoken
  unto thee, and magnify not the faults of others
  that thine own faults may not appear great; and
  wish not the abasement of anyone, that thine own
  abasement be not exposed...18

If John makes unkind remarks about Mary to me, what can I do? I can try to change the subject of conversation to something more constructive. I can counter with some of Mary's admirable traits, though sometimes this will stir up John to be still more critical. I may be able to leave John because I am needed elsewhere, or I may have to say, 'Mary is a friend of mine, and I really prefer not to hear her criticized. Let's talk about something else now.' If I can say this calmly, without annoyance or anger in my tone of voice, perhaps John will not be offended.

4. Do I talk too much, thereby depriving others of he opportunity to express their knowledge and ideas? Good conversation requires an exchange of experiences and ideas, and I have no right to assume that what I wish to say is more important or more interesting than what other members of the group may have to contribute. Of course if, for example, I have attended an important conference, my friends will probably ask me to tell them about it, to give an informal 'lecture'; in which case a monologue is not talking too much'

In a family of four or five members is there one person who does two-thirds of the talking? This is obviously unfair to the others; they may listen politely, but they probably do not enjoy hearing one voice so much of the time!

  For the tongue is a smouldering fire, and excess
  of speech a deadly poison. Material fire consumeth
  the body, whereas the fire of the tongue devoureth
  both heart and soul. The force of the former lasteth
  but for a time, whilst the effects of the latter
  endureth a century.19

5. Do I talk too little depriving others of my ideas, experience, and knowledge? Am I afraid of making a mistake? Almost everyone will make mistakes when learning anything of real value: I must learn that 'a mistake is a friendly invitation to try again.' Besides, the idea I hesitate to give may be just what is needed by the group to push their thinking in a valuable direction.

6. Do I speak with too loud a voice? Often in a restaurant one voice rings out so loudly that people at nearby tables find it difficult to carry on a conversation! And most children dislike a teacher who habitually yells at them. Of course, a person who is partially deaf may have difficulty adjusting the loudness of his voice to the needs of a situation, but the rest of us need not become a nuisance by speaking too loudly.

7. Do I speak with too soft a voice, so that others have to strain to hear what I am saying? When listeners lean forward in their seats, or even cup a hand behind an ear, I should realize that my voice is too low. A tone of voice which is habitually too low (just as much as one which is too loud) shows lack of consideration for others, and therefore indicates self-love.

8. Am I argumentative and quarrelsome when presenting my ideas? As will be seen later, in the chapter on Consultation, Bahá'ís are urged to avoid contentious discussion; they should share ideas, rather than carry on a debate.

  O Son of Dust!... Of all men the most negligent
  is he that disputeth idly and seeketh to advance
  himself over his brother. Say, O brethren! Let
  deeds, not words, be your adorning.20

9. Do I use sarcasm, hurting the feelings of others with my cutting remarks? Of all the verbal techniques for dominating people, sarcasm is probablv the most cruel. It most surely sets a fire which 'devoureth both heart and soul'. Why be so unkind as to whip another with its stinging lash?

10. Do I whine and complain? Do I use tears as a method of getting my own way? If I do it is to tell others how sorry I am for myself, and that they must do something to make life easier for me. Whining and complaining are probably used as often by men as by women; they say to the listener, 'See how weak I am! You must take care of me, and see to it that I get what I want!' They indicate the 'clinging vine', who wishes to forgo responsibility for his own life. They show that the person is still using the behaviour of a badly-brought-up child. But now, in adulthood, we can learn to 'put away childish things'.

11 Do I sulk? Do I 'hold aloof in a sullenly ill-humoured or offended mood'? This is one of the meanest ways of trying to dominate another, because often the one thus attacked has no idea what he has done to displease. The intention is to make the other so miserable that he or she will never again dare to offend such an important person as the sulker.

To try to propitiate the one who sulks simply encourages him to use this technique again the next time he is offended. The best treatment is probably to ignore the sulking, and to pray that God will find a way to show the sulker the selfishness of his behaviour. (The person who maintains a sullen silence for three or four weeks is probably so neurotic that he needs professional treatment.)

12. Do I give too much expression to my feelings of discouragement, depression, or sadness, and thus darken the lives of others? Certainly there are times when a real sorrow needs to find expression, but this is very different from habitual gloominess and pessimism. I should ask myself, 'Do I really wish to weigh down others with my discouragement or sadness? What is it that I am trying to get them to do for me?'

'Abdu'l-Bahá, who often greeted people by asking, 'Are you happy?', once wrote as follows to a man who had suffered a great financial loss:

  Do not feel sorry; do not brood over the loss; do
  not sit down depressed; do not be silent; but, on
  the contrary, day and night be engaged in the 
  commemoration of the Lord in the greatest joy and
  gladness.21

13. Am I habitually late for appointments? If so, I am really saying to the individual or group kept waiting for me, 'Your time is less valuable than mine, so it does not matter if I waste (steal) some of your time. You should be willing to wait on my convenience.'

14. Do I break my promises? This, like habitual lateness, shows lack of consideration for the feelings and time of others. It is one way of being untruthful. If I find that, because of circumstances beyond my control, I am unable to keep a promise, I must immediately let the other person know that I shall be unable to do as I promised.

  Be worthy of the trust of thy neighbour,... a
  preserver of the sanctity of thy pledge.22

  He should not wish for others that which he
  doth not wish for himself, nor promise that which
  he doth not fulful.23

15. Am I frequently indecisive? 'Do whichever you like; either way is all right with me.' 'I really have no preference. Which hat do you think I should buy?' And so on, time after time! My conscious intention may be to please the other person, but, when repeated again and again, such indecisiveness becomes a burden on the other. He would doubtless prefer me sometimes to have a 'mind of my own'.

16. Do I make a boastful display of my intelligence, my attainments, or my possessions? Do I 'show off'? If so, I make it clear that I wish to 'separate' myself from others.

  If he is alloyed with the slightest trace of passion,
  desire, ostentation or self-interest, it is certain that
  the results of all efforts will prove fruitless, and he
  will become deprived and hopeless.24

17. Do I show contempt for the feelings, ideas, or actions of others? Such behaviour is more common than one might expect. 'Nice people' may not express contempt by saying, 'I think your idea is really stupid.' But this very same attitude can be conveyed by facial expression, tone of voice, or by completely ignoring the other's comment. Remarks such as, 'You are just being sentimental', or, 'I would not do that; it is poor taste', are often slightly veiled expressions of contempt. Standards of good and bad taste vary from group to group, from culture to culture. Why should I assume that the standards of my group are superior to yours?

  Therefore no one should glorify himself over
  another' no one should manifest pride or superiority 
  toward another; no one should look upon another with 
  scorn and contempt...25

  '...it is in no wise permissible for one to belittle 
  the thought of another...'26

18. Do I demand special privileges, so that others are deprived? Do I expect to have the most comfortable chair, the most honoured seat at the banquet, the highest office in the organization, the most devoted attention when I speak? Is it my intention that others shall be my servants?

Do I ever ask myself why I think I have a right to such special consideration?

19. Do I dislike another person because he shows a character trait of my own, which I am trying to ignore in myself? If I express an intense dislike for greediness, is it because I am really a greedy person? Certainly this is not true in every case, but I should be aware of the possibility, and be willing to do some honest 'soul searching'.

Psychologists are likely to say that the dominating techniques we have listed are aggressive responses to frustration, or expected frustration. This is true. But the Bahá'í must ask himself, 'If my purposes are frustrated and I respond by trying to dominate others, what kind of purposes are they? Are they the kind I wish to cherish? When I became a Bahá'í, I committed my life to unity; love; and fellowship. In so far as I live in accord with these purposes I shall have no wish to dominate, and no need to respond to frustration with aggression.'

***

  'O God, my God! Shield Thy trusted servants
  from the evils of self and passion, protect them
  with the watchful eye of Thy loving kindness
  from all rancour, hate and envy, shelter them in
  the impregnable stronghold of Thy Cause and,
  safe from the darts of doubtfulness, make them
  the manifestations of Thy glorious signs,
  illumine their faces with the effulgent rays shed
  from the Dayspring of Thy divine unity, gladden
  their hearts with the verses revealed from Thy
  holy kingdom, strengthen their loins by Thy all-
  swaying power that cometh from Thy Realm of
  Glory. Thou art the All-Bountiful, the Protector,
  the Almighty, the Gracious.' - 'Abdu'l-Bahá